4AM musings

It was so hot in my room that I woke up sweating to the sounds of "Cold Hard Bitch" on the TV. I'm glad it's summer and all but damn can I sleep through the night? I forgot to mention yesterday that I am going to (finally) get my new headshots done. I really need them for when I go to London in case I meet people. And my look never changes much (except for when I drastically cut my hair a few months ago :-)) so I could probably keep them for a good three years.Speaking of three years from now ...I went to my cousins' house last weekend to show them pictures from my trip to India and my cousin Sandra told me not to go to grad school. She makes a good point. I'd be studying acting if I went where I want to go (Tisch School of The Arts at NYU.) But maybe she's right. People in the industry don't look at your degrees, they look at your experience. If I want to act I need to act. I have to be out there on auditions. Believe me, this is what I want to do in theory but the trouble was a five letter word: LOANS. I've racked up a lot of them but wonder of wonders and miracle of miracles ... my mom's cashing out on the house and she said she'll be able to use the money to pay off the two private loans we took out for USF and pay off The London Theatre Program. So with that out of the way and a significantly lower tuition bill when I return from London, considering I'll be living off-campus ... maybe I can live on my own and go on auditions. How crazy is that?Since high school I've wanted to do National Evangelization Team and give retreats for young people and high school kids. This would require a one-year commitment from me. I thought about applying and doing the program fresh out of high school. But my mother advised against it. She was right. It would've sucked to be older than all the people in my year in school ... well it wouldn't have been that bad but I would've missed out on some great friends and some valuable lessons had I deferred enrollment for an entire year. So maybe now that I won't have as much loans to pay off I can do NET. AH! I hate money it opens and closes so many doors!K ... I'm done ... If this made no sense ... don't blame me ... blame the heat for waking me up at 3:30AM.