Fogged judgment

For some reason I always figure out too late that I'd do a whole lot better if I wasn't alone. If I just had someone to call or to hang with. I'm probably one of millions of only children who wishes sometimes that they weren't the only one. When I was going through things from age 11-14 I realize that all I really needed was someone to talk to and to be with and listen to. I am my happiest when I'm surrounded by other people. A sister would've been cool to have. Not that I'm not grateful for the ones I have but 17 years old is a little late for my dad to get the message and start popping them out. On the 17th "the middle child" Natalia will be turning 3. 3 years ago I was going into my senior of high school. The day my dad told me about Natalia she was 1 month away from being born. It's so crazy how time flies... and how slow it goes to the point where you feel like you aren't truly living. I'll have those moments, especially these days, where I just lift my soul out of myself and watch what I do and wonder how I came to be and what the days were like that I can't remember and travel back to the days I chose to forget. I was on the phone with my best friend yesterday and we were talking about freshmen year and how it seems like we've been friends forever. We talked about this one guy I used to "be with" and his memory still weighs heavily on my mind (even though I hate him for doing me shady.) Wonder what he's doing now? Summer dreams ripped at the seams ... But oh those summer nights! HAHA!!! I'm all over the place tonight. I'm going in so many different directions I'm starting to make myself dizzy. I'm feeling a lot more cautious and a lot less spontaneous and that's why things didn't turn out the way I thought they would when I got to SF last weekend. Taking risks and running with my gut instinct got me in some pretty big messups this past year so I think I'm learning to take it slow and return to my over-analytical self who always ends up making the right choice in the end even when it doesn't seem like the best choice. From my trip to India, one thing I learned is that in order to see things clearly and be at your most alert you must act rationally with patience and faith. How else can I be content with traveling 400 miles to just hold hands. I have faith that I have made the best and most rational decision in my pursuit of something. I believe that if something is meant to be then it will happen for you in it's own due time. Not when you want it to happen but when the time is right. Ah clarity ... Only in the summer time when the clouds part and you can see the things that were once a million miles away in the perfect light.

Lauren @ Myspace.com

Lauren @ Myspace.com I think I'm addicted to MySpace.

Things I've figured out over the past 5 days

Things aren't always as good as they seem. Expect the unexpected. Don't judge people before you've had a chance to know them; they might surprise you. I am the most and the least spontaneous person rolled into one. Sometimes it's nice to just hold hands. I'm going to be incredibly broke in London. I have really good friends. The truth will get you much farther than a lie ever could. San Francisco is so cool. Being an adult and taking care of yourself is fun for awhile and then you wish you didn't have to pay for food, electricity, water ... and life. Casual dating is fun all the time. Opportunities to dance with a live band as your musical selection should not be passed up. I should value all that I view as sacred because who knows when I will have to let go for good. My semester abroad is going to rock the world!

Not so good things I forgot to mention ... be prepared to laugh

Well really just one big mishap on my way to SF last saturday. I would like to begin by saying United Airlines has become, at a rapid fire pace, the bane of my existence. All thanks to one incident on July 3rd 2004. I can't even convey to u the amount of drama they took me through on saturday morning. I get to the airport at 830. My flight is at 1045. I was so early they couldn't even issue me a seat yet. So i chilled and read at the gate for an hour and a half. As it turns out their printer is broken so they have to get my and everyone else's boarding pass from another gate. I just kick it because i'm a confirmed passenger and i'm second to last to get my boarding pass. I figure why wait in line when u can just chill and still be guaranteed a seat? I get in line and i'm headed to the back of the plane. Boarding WOOHOO! 31E is my seat so i count the rows ... 28 full ... 29 full ... 30 full ... 31 full .... ER? Ok so i'm thinking this guy just wants to sit with his wife. So i figure i'll just take his seat once he tells me where it is. I show him my ticket. He shows me his ticket. It says 31 E. ER?! So the flight attendant takes me to the front of the plane. Mind u the plane has already pulled away from the jetway! And I don't have a seat! How they double booked one seat (MY SEAT!) i have no clue! (If you're not in hysterics by now ... wait until u read the rest). So the plane has to move back toward the gate and attach itself to the jetway again so that I can get off and grab another flight. Surely everyone on the plane is staring upon me with utter contempt because the plane is already late! So I walk down the jetway amongst the dialogues of "How did this happen?" "There must be a glitch in the system." "Can you take a later flight?" OF COURSE I CAN TAKE A LATER FLIGHT! What else am I supposed to do?! Ask somebody else to give up their seat? Are you kidding? At the desk they inform me that my flight leaves at 1115. It is currently 1105. The flight's at Gate 71. I'm at Gate 66. Sounds close right? WRONG!!! I have to run clear across the terminal, at LEAST 3 quarters of a mile! Here is where the track skills come in because I made it 2 minutes before the plane was pulling away from the jetway. My new seat is 19D. Out of breath ... I board the 1115. I count again 15 ... 16 ... 17 ... 18 ... 19 full?! Noooooo!! Not twice ... you're joking right? WHy is somebody playing tricks on me? I tap the lady and I say "19D?" and she says "Oh I must be 18D!" and promptly moves. Relieved I proceed to sit down ....... NEXT TO AN INCREDIBLY OBESE MAN WHOSE ELBOW IS THE SIZE OF MY FACE AND IS SITUATED IN ORDER TO MAIM MY RIGHT EYE! ... Two empty seats next to me beg for me to occupy them but I've already settled in and how politically incorrect would it be to move ... It would be saying "Hi, you're FAT and I'm not going to sit next to you because your elbow is the size of my face." So I sucked it up and prayed for a quick flight. It was so ridiculous. You just don't understand ... In conclusion, NEVER FLY UNITED!

Real Compared to What?

I don't want to be home anymore. This summer is about to be real uninteresting while I wait for Freedom Day (September 2nd) to come through. I've bought my ticket to London and there's no turning back now. I never even thought about studying abroad but I couldn't pass this up. I'm going to be doing something I absolutely love in a place that I've never been. I don't think you can fathom the ultimate craziness of this entire situation. It's mad! ... I'm just anxious I suppose. I like live and breathe USF and I was sure I would never leave but now that I have this chance to get out of here and meet new people and be myself somewhere else, I'm having dreams about it already. I'm about to explode with emotions. AH!