Live from New York

Let me begin by saying I have learned a lot about living simply by being deprived of the luxury that is constant free internet in my home. I have moved into the 24/7 Apple Store on 5th Ave and 59th St. And I have become those people I used to despise who check their myspace and facebook in the store.

While I have stopped blogging daily I have begun writing in my journal again. My hand hurts from teaching it how to pick up a pen again. However, as promised I will update so here are recent entries:

8/20

Finally I'm in NY
It's not what I expected.
Not that I expected anything. but
I miss SF. The fog & cold and bustle.
I guess soon enough I'll get 2 of 3.

8/22

The ghost and I have reconnected. And I think God really does have some strange power over the relationship the ghost and I have built. I never stopped caring for him. I had recently begun a forgive and forget process so that I could leave SF behind without all that baggage. He was the ghost that I had held on to for way too long. Time to be free. And as I'm packing up the last of my belongings I stumbled across a letter I'd planned on giving him the next time I ran into him. I didn't read it. I don't even recall what it said really. I ripped it up that morning and breathed a huge sigh thinking I had finally found the closure I needed. No more than 20 minutes later who should call but the ghost. My last day and I'm all packed and too through and here he is. Driving up in his Lincoln Town Car Mark VII. And I'm looking at him and in total awe of the entire situation and we're driving and everything's as though we'd never gone 6 months without seeing each other. Do you believe in signs? I do. I honestly believe he wouldn't have called if I hadn't tossed that letter. Honestly, when it comes down to it, I still believe in us. And we're in his car and listening to music and being in each other's company like we've always done. And I remember all the vivacious beauty, the excitement, tenacity, passion, joy, smiles, laughter, thoughfulness that made me fall for him in the first place. And I'm still in copious amounts of disbelief.
He's just
familiar
comfortable
joy
pain
a hand hold
a long embrace
a cool breeze
a hot day
a deep breath
a cup of tea
rain
sun
a hip hop beat
an angel
a long stride
security
a contradiction
a spark
a blaze
everything I'm not
everything I am
everything I aspire to be

and I feel a responsibility to him because he is all of these things to me. And I don't know when I'll see him again but when something's right you just fall right back into it. like memory foam, he knows how i fit. I was just convinced that things will work out. That I've found him again and even if a time comes for us to let go again our forever will come.

8/27

Whoa man I'm in New York. I'm living in the city that never sleeps and I don't know what to do with myself. I ant to go everywhere and do everything. That's kind of impossible in this huge ass place but shit, I'll try.

8/30

I just saw the most beautiful specimen of a man. He was that perfect chocolate that they ire black models to be. and all his clothes hat 2 foot were tailored to fit him. I just kept looking. I couldn't help it. He just looked that good.

So much truth on the subway. I don't mean truth. I mean defiance. They say stay alert on the train. But a woman was so tired she fell asleep mouth wide open. And she fought. B/C she woke up with a start but w/i seconds she was asleep again mouth wide open again.

Oh and I love the sign "Do not lean against the doors" and the man who seems to perfectly fashion his body as to imitate the diagram that follows the warning.

"Be First."