Shock of a freaking lifetime

Last night I saw one of the best films I've seen in ages. Closer with Julia Roberts and Jude Law with Natalie Portman was a tremendous movie. It was breathtaking. And I sat in shock the entire time just loving every moment only snapping out of it between scenes to pick my mouth up off the floor. It was set in London and made me miss it a lot but I came to some interesting points of clarity while I was watching about my own life. I need to be needed. I don't want to be needed. And the fact that this guy I am interested in (and who may or may not be interested in me) wouldn't need me either way is slightly bothering me. He's everything I want. Faithful, funny, adorable, busy with other things besides drinking and women, well dressed. This bugs. I can't have what I want because in some sick twisted way I need the one I want to need me before we can be together. But why oh why do I attract the ones that want me so bad and I can't even stand the thought of making them more than a hook-up? Are relationships built on need? Is being needed good for me? If I'm sick, I don't want to take medicine but I need to take medicine if I want my illness to dissipate. Is that a ridiculous analogy? Why am I even trying to make sense of this? I just want him to like me and show me (subtly) that he likes me. I'm driving myself mad trying to figure this out on my own. This is exactly what I didn't want to do when I got back to the states: obsess over some dude. BUT I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ELSE WHEN I AM BEING A LOSER BY MYSELF HERE IN LA LA LAND! I talked to him. Told him we should hang out. He sounded enthusiastic but who can say for sure? I need to get out of here. Move into my apartment. It's so crucial. I'm going to go stir-crazy. Am I analyzing too much? Don't I always?