hide and seek, show and tell

everytime i meet someone new they want to know two things. why do i smile so much and what is that thing on my chest? well lets settle it once and for all. i am a huge extrovert i feed off of people. like a freaking monster from war of the worlds. people just get my blood pumping. and i automatically smile and am more prone to laugh. that doesn't mean i'm happy all the time. that doesn't mean i'm even happy at that moment. all it means is that i'm reacting to being around people wonderful people like you who make me smile. it is also a defense mechanism. i don't really care to wallow in whatever is concerning me and overwhelming my thoughts. wait. i take that back. i don't care to have you know all my problems. and if i don't put my defense mechanism on that means i'm just tired of hiding or you caught me with my guard down. because i'm so on the move and have so large of a social circle i have to put on a lot of different faces and i'm sure if you stop and think about it you probably do the same thing. in any case i'd venture to say people only really truly know what's going on with me when i can't deal with being on my own. and when that happens i go see morgan and i go see cristina. no one else. i don't really articulate my feelings very well so if i'm in need of someone's presence to process those are the two people i've got. and i'm happy with them and don't need other people to try and replace them. once my visible emotions are balanced around you then i've gained comfort in our friendship enough that i don't feel like i need to hide behind a smile all the time. if i'm pretty mellow around you and laugh when you laugh and don't feel the need to constantly create situations for laughing and smiling then hey cool you've broken lauren's superficial layer. the thing on my chest is a keloid. a keloid is an over healed scar. my keloid is from the chicken pox. i had the chicken pox when i was 6. the scar started out small and then grew as i grew. i'd remove it if i felt like i needed to. or if it was a danger to my health. but it's just there. and it doesn't hurt. sometimes it'll itch like a bitch but that's the worst of it. so thanks for your concern. :-)