Denise & DPL

My best friend came to pick Morgan and I up. Denise and I have been friends for 7 years now. I've never had a friend for so long. Sure, we've had our issues but this girl has stuck by me through a whole bunch of madness. I've been so lucky. Back out in good ol' Lynwood was weird. When Denise's friend from CSULA Araceli showed up we headed out to Artesia to get Denise's eyebrows threaded. That was intense to watch. They just pull you in a chair and start literally thread to brow. And apparently Artesia is home to "Little India". I miss India. That was one amazing country to be in. I need to go back. We went in all these little shops and suddenly I was taken back to last summer and walking the pavement and dirt roads and bartering with vendors. What an incredible time. The first store we went to I bought an awesome pair of earring and in another store I got this really cute top that I would get really dirty looks for if I wore it in India. That afternoon we had some Indian food. It was pretty good but the Vegetable pakora was over cooked (oh well). It was good to see Denise but I was over our visiting after awhile. I think because I'm much more used to just being with Denise and no one else. So I had my aunt come pick Morgan and I up after she got out of school. Besides we had already made plans for that night to hit Da Poetry Lounge @ Fairfax High. I had called Howard earlier to see if he wanted to go and all arrangements had been made. And since Denise wasn't down to go I was pretty whatever about the situation. So we step out to DPL. I had told Morgan all about it because Shihan from Def Poetry Jam was going to be there. YES! He is so beautiful. I first saw him on my 1st or 2nd visit to DPL and he did this poem called Love Like that was sooooooo good. When I got back up to the bay this winter Morgan asked me to come watch the first season of Def Poetry Jam that she had recently gotten on DVD. Surprise, Surprise! There's Shihan and Morgan freaking out when I tell her I've seen him live. I think that is where our idea for her coming out for Spring Break came from. She was not disappointed. Sad though, Shihan doesn't perform anymore. He just hosts.

A day at the beach

It was pretty nice out for a bit so Morgan and I head to the beach for a little relaxation. The ocean sounded nice and we just set up shop and read mags until it got too breezy. Then we walked to downtown Manhattan Beach to find Jamba Juice. YUM! It was cold but it was good mmm-hmmm. We walked in a couple shops and hung out down there until my mom came and got us from Peet's Coffee. It was so cute because these three old ladies were sitting together on a weekday solving a crossword puzzle. It was the cutest thing. I should write a story about it. We made a stop at Blockbuster picked up a few DVDs and watched Ray at home. That was a great movie. Jamie Foxx totally deserved the Oscar even though I didn't see any of the other movies and I am slightly biased ... he totally deserved all his honors. I had no clue Ray Charles was such a womanizer. That was real serious. But I loved his story of trial and tribulation. That was a directing task if I ever saw one.

Sunday Sunday Sunday

We took off for 3rd Street Promenade for some shopping. Of course the first store we see requires spending. I bought this really cute blue shrug that I'm sort of in love with. It's not really a shrug. It's more of a short sleeve cardigan (the one in my picture) but the point is it's hot and I love it. WE FOUND ZARA! This really great store that Morgan and I discovered on our seperate abroad experiences. Awww I miss London whenever I'm reminded of it. It was so great to be in another country for an extended period of time. It was really an amazing time. I hope I can go back one day soon because I missed a lot of the city while I was doing the program. The shit was rigorous. I got my grades back. I did pretty well -- B+ Average -- and they did these evaluations for each class I had ... same complaints ... stand up straight, have confidence. I thought I had squashed the confidence issue but I guess not. I was sure I had people fooled. Maybe I do in other situations. When I'm on stage I feel naked I guess and vulnerable. That comes through in my body language I suppose. Most of what they said I knew already. But my director for Singer definitely said some surprising things about how my good days were great but my bad days were noticeable. The thing is he never addressed it with me. Is that too much to expect -- that if you have a problem with me you'll let me know or express concern in some kind of way? I guess so but whatever. What's done is done and I don't regret it at all. I learned tons. Classes was my favorite part. My professors were amazing and I had a very supportive group of people to work with...for the most part anyway

Ready ... BREAK!

Whoever thought of Spring Break should receive a Nobel Peace Prize. That's what I think anyway. I was very happy to be in my bed and let it be known that I slept for 12 hours my first night back at home. Man was it good. I don't even remember Friday. I never sleep in. Even on weekends I'm up and at 'em on a max of 8 1/2 hours if there's no alarm to tell me otherwise. Anything over that is a huge accomplishment. Morgan came wand we had some folks over the house for dinner that evening. My mom's friend from primerica brought her baby. And of course my hormones go into over drive. I might as well have started to lactate because it was seriously the cuetest baby ever ... besides me of course ... I was pretty cute. And she was so good! She just sat and watched people ... SO PRECIOUS! I wonder what life would have been like if I had had a baby. I imagine pretty sucky. I always say "I want a baby!" but I'm just joshin' ya. I can't imagine my selfish lifestyle being cut short. How would I make it to London? My best friend is pregnant with her 2nd child. Hey crackhead ... i don't feel good. Why? Because I'm pregnant again. I couldn't take that as my lot in life. I'm having way too much fun. If I hadn't gone to college ... uh uh ... not even fathomable. I can't even stay in a relationship for more than a couple months ... babies?! YEAH RIGHT! Having company was fun. We played Taboo. I'm still good at that game. My team won of course :-)

RA Position

I, Lauren Smith have been accepted to be an RA for Gillson Hall. SWEEET! Free room and board. That is what I am talkin about. I was kind of wanting to be Erasmus RA. Since I have done Erasmus and I heard through the grapevine that this group will be going to Africa. I'm dying to go to Africa. It's supposed to go be my graduation present to myself so I'm going to save save save and try and get over there December of 2006. I'm thinking Northeast countries. Maybe Kenya or Ethiopia or Egypt. I'm supposed to go to Nigeria to see my neighbor's family and that would be cool ... free accomodations but I'm all about living like a queen over there. If I can't go to Africa then maybe I'll go max and relax on some remote island. I just want to travel everywhere. It's definitely an addiction. I'm longing for my next international adventure. I've never been to South America either. Brazil is on the top 5, for sure, of places to visit. I'd also like to go to New Zealand. I'm always hungry for some cultural immersion. I think that's why I need to move to New York. All the different faces and languages. It's really beautiful to me. I talked a lot about that in my RA interview ... how I'm into multiculturalism ... and seeing so many different people to come together. Next year is going to rock so hard. I'm totally jazzed to plan some badd ass programs. And my staff is turning out real nice too. This girl Josselyn is just pure awesomeness. She's a freshmen and was in my group for group interviews. I knew she had it at the beginning. She's fully creative and level-headed. She works well with others and rocks so hard it's not even funny. And my new friend Caitlin got the position too. She's in Peace & Justice Coalition and just started up an Amnesty International chapter on campus. Oh and TC who I've known since his first year is also in Gillson. He was in my group too and I knew he had performed well. And the cherry on my Gillson cake is Jim Caya whom I've had a mini crush on for a year and a 1/2 now. He's in the Honors program, came and sang at Gospel Choir once and was totally into it, and he always shows his ID when he walks by the desk. I'm such a nerd but he is just adorable. Morgan got Loyola Village which is totally and completely awesome. She was excited to have her own room and bathroom and kitchen. We opened our letters together. It was cute. Morgan is a great friend. which is why I invited her to stay with me over Spring Break. Such a good idea.

Change

Change and I obviously have had a change in agreement. We used to do OK. We got along. We got on fine. For some reason any switch in routine completely throws me for a loop. I get off of work early, I see Dom who I haven't seen in freaking ages. She's studying for the MCAT...oy! Then I continue to sit in Xroads and try my hand at this short story thing. I feel good about it. I don't know how rape came to me but I think I'll roll with it. Is it wrong that I'm writing "notes" while my Women In Developing Countries professor lectures. This is a really great class but I'm kind of over it. Anyway so yeah change ... After I failed my Spanish oral, I cried a little and talked to my mom. She always makes me feel better just because she's crazy. I can't wait for Spring Break so I can see her and relax and get off the grind for awhile. Directing class was equally depressing as we discussed the current government and this fucked up play we're reading. We got out early. I went to UM to hang out. Just as I was getting comfortable, Mike tap tap taps on the UM window. I hope he didn't see how stunned I was. I feel like my face made a shape it wasn't used to. I got up to go say hi after the initial shock subsided. He's beautiful. I'm glad we're friends in the end though. Clare thinks we should get married. That would never work. We'd kill each other. I hope he's happy. I thought things woule change once I left and came back. But we both changed and the situation's the same. We're still these polar opposites I feel. There's something he just does to me. I get all trembly like a scared little girl after I behold him ... even for a second.

Things I hate about my Flatmate

Things I hate about my Flatmate

Yes hate! Why oh why must I come home to a filthy kitchen and disgusting living room! Are you joking me? Garbage on the counters! Garbage on the dining table?! What is that about? I do not appreciate at all. I have been nothing but respectful to this girl. Doing my best to stay quiet when it's late so she can sleep but it's OK for her to vacuum the hallway when I have work at 3AM! I don't understand. And to top it all off she eats my food. My Nutella is gone. I didn't even know she was using it. I woke up this morning and wanted Nutella and toast and why was there an empty jar of Nutella in the garbage bag that was on the dining room table. Hell NO! I moved all of my non-perishable items to the bottom drawer of my dresser in my room. This is the last straw. I've tried to be nice. Telling her it's cool if she wants to use my stuff ... just ask. But to just take without permission is not an option at all. I am done. And the girl doesn't know how to communicate. I think she's scared of black people. Why I would intimidate her, I have no clue. No, I'm not quiet. But I am in no way abrasive and have been doing my damndest to cater to her needs. The other day she interrupted a phone call I was on with my mom to ask about community dinner and I politely told her that I was unsure of the dates. This blog I found randomly today knows my pain and SEVERAL stories correlate with my current living situation.

Today's reason my flatmate pisses me off: Because there are apparently clones of her circulating the globe and making it difficult for beautifully sane people like me to live in peace.

Complication

Is complicated. It racks your brain. Like heavy billiards. And repeats beats like a bass Yet you seem base To the unknowing fool The extra pudge Mistaken for That time of The month The tremble In your voice For ... Then that damn song plays That reminds you How things got complicated In the first place PAUSE.

i feel so small

all of a sudden there is this air between me and some of my friends. it's so obvious that i don't fit in anymore. people they've known for so much less time than they've known me have become their best friends. but wait a minute while i agonize some more. i know i'm blessed i just can't even think about how i've been replaced by a boyfriend or a greek life. is this selfish of me? maybe i need to make some new friends or get a boyfriend but i don't want to do what my "friends" are doing to me. this is normal i suppose but i am interested in the logic behind ignoring, avoiding, forgetting me. god i suck so much. i need to get over this shit and move on. i need to pray. i need to stop being so needy. the world doesn't revolve around me and friendships will come and go. i have to accept that. but i still want to cry for friendships lost and feelings ignored. it hurts to not be considered desirable anymore.

Well if this whole college thing doesn't work out

I am worth $2,067,738.00 on HumanForSale.com and could always sell myself on EBay.

Adjusting

I've haven't had such a hard time adjusting to a situation since freshmen year of high school. They should really have a bridge program for when you come back to the states from studying abroad. My schedule continues to fill up slowly. I don't even know what I'm doing this semester or how things are going to turn out. I'm taking 17 units. Trying to revive gospel choir. Applying for a summer internship. Applying to be an RA. Working at two desks. Working with a committee on the Lane Center for Catholic Teaching and Social Thought. Dream Team. Retreats. Liturgical ministry. Clearly I won't have time for a show this semester. That might drive me absolutely crazy. Or it might make me completely sane. I just feel unfocused. And on top of all this I am crushing hard-core on this boy who makes me "cream my knickers" HAHAHA! He's beautiful. And smart. And goal-oriented. I just feel like he's not that into me. But maybe he is. Who knows? Whoever can read the opposite sex please contact me immediately.

Daily Views, Pop Culture, Rants, and News

Daily Views, Pop Culture, Rants, and News

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This isn't a dream

So yesterday ... Makeda calls and says she and Aida are going down to Haight and that I should come. So I get ready to go and then they call and say that Mike is coming too. Mike who I miss. Mike who I haven't seen in forever. Mike who makes me crazy sometimes. But Mike nonetheless. I'm not gonna lie ... I was excited. SO we had the reunion in the middle of McAllister with hugs and all and it was special. Then we went to lunch in the Mission. Then we came back and eventually met up with Mike again with alcohol and a couple of other of friends at his place. This is all too surreal. My friends no longer have dorm beds, they have couches and easy chairs and head boards and cooking utensils. WHOA! Are we growing up too fast? Is the world moving double time? I feel like I'm aging at an abnormal rate. This is crazy. It can't have been that long ago when I was just starting college and I had boys on the brain (one boy in particular) and I wasn't even thinking about leaving the country or moving off campus or having to use the internet at the library. All this that's going on now was unfathomable. Is there such a thing as being too in the moment. I'm in shock. I hope it fades soon. I have shit to do. HAHA!

In your dreams!

OK so I keep having these dreams ... about BADA. They're so vivid and real. Somebody always pops up and all of a sudden I've been transfered back to London. Like last night John totally made out with me in front of Erin and she gave me a weird look but didn't say anything. OH! and when I was home I dreamt that somebody else had left Singer on the day of the production and we were all sitting around and I said "And then there were 10." And everybody laughed. And we put up the show anyway and I was doing so many other things that I missed my cue for the servant lines and they had to improv through it. What does this mean? It's so scary and real. I wake up and have to really snap out of it. STOP HAUNTING ME BADA!!!!

It is weird to be back. I walk across campus and run into people I haven't seen in ages. The states are weird. Everybody's walking around with the stunned "four more years" face. I miss being abroad. It's like I've just done something that I can't tell anybody else about (secret agent type shit).

I'm living off-campus and that's weird too. The place is GIGUNGOUS. It's a household through the Heart of Mary Center and they put you up in pretty nice quarters, furnished and close to school for 500 a month plus utilities. No contract. Month to Month rent. My own room! It's a great deal. I have to meet twice a month with the rest of the girls who are housed through Heart of Mary and we have faith-sharing/dinner/prayer meeting type things for an hour. I found it on Craig's list and my friend Abby affectionately refers to the area as "The Catholic Ghetto". HAHAHAHAHA! I died laughing. But that really is what it is. Right now I'm all by my lonesome but hopefully my apartment mates will be moving in next week. I don't know who they are but one girl is fresh from the abroad experience like me so I imagine we'll have a lot to talk about and we should get along fine. Here are pictures http://photos.yahoo.com/fierce727 That's the deal. Back to the place until work this evening.

Finally!

Back at USF! In my apartment! Back at work! Breathing the air of the bay! I missed this. I'm so weirded out though. I keep seeing people and they actually missed me and want to know what I'm up to. They like me. They really like me ... as Sally Field would say ... HAHA!




I've had a lot of thoughts lately but I've already prayed about it so it's in God's hands.