Saturday, August 07, 2004
I forgot that I remembered to forget you
So this guy that I had a crush on for a really long time IMed me out of the blue the other day. The box from AIM popped up that's like "so and so has sent you an instant message 'Accept' or 'Reject'" I thought to myself ... no wonder I haven't seen him online. He's usually on and idle with an away message. OMG! I totally took you off my buddy list and completely forgot that I remembered to forget you! ... I'm so proud of myself. Then he asks me this question. I said to my computer screen "If you talked to me, you would know this shit!" It was a short conversation. He had to go. WHATEVER! Why did he make me think of him? Now he's on my buddy list again until I get up the courage to remember to forget again. DAMN! I hope he doesn't read this. He's not as dumb as most boys I know. He knows how to put two and two together. Well even if he does I don't give a damn! That's how I feel. If I don't talk to you and you never initiate a conversation with me and I'm always the one initiating conversations then one day I'm gonna see the light and not waste my time anymore. It's a waste of oxygen to call someone a friend or "buddy" when you're the one giving giving giving and they're the one taking taking taking. I'm a generous person but I'm not an idiot and I know how to take a hint. Is taking someone off my buddy list cold? I don't think so. If you only use the shit to promote yourself and let people know that you are distant and unavailable why take up my precious buddy space with your screenname? How 'bout dem apples!
Thursday, August 05, 2004
I wish, I wish, I wish
Remember that R. Kelly song? Dang I stay reminiscing on my blog! HAHA!
I wish life was like my blog and I could delete the things that happen when I want to forget about them. Wouldn't that be cool? Anyway ... just a random thought. I'm feeling a little restless today (even though I took a 2-hour nap.) My mind is racing and I don't have any desire to stare at the idiot box all day ... It's really sad I kept flipping to the same channels hoping that something would be on 2 seconds after I just looked at that channel. The general anxiety is getting to me and causing me to wake up really early in the morning (like before sunrise) and turn off the TV so that my mind can wander and ponder life. I hope there are no TVs in my apartment in London. I hate the idiot box because I just can't stand the mind-numbing feeling like I should be doing something but I ... can't ... move ... my finger ... from ... the ... remote.
Yesterday I went to Irvine with Tawny. She had to take care of some business at UCI. Then we stopped at Westminster Mall and I kind of got us lost but we made it. OOPS! I bought some jeans at AE and a skirt at this cute little store called portrait ... For a grand total of 30 bucks! YEA!!!! GO LAUREN!!! Tawny got me these speakers I wanted from Radio Shack as a birthday gift and then we had to stop for Bite Size cookies before we left ... Mmmm! Lovin' That! Then we I got back home, my mom was there and I told her that she should take me with her to work so she was like "OK" (This is against company policy) so I changed into clothes that were a little more profesional than cropped pants and an "I heart Bazooka" T-Shirt, grabbed my knitting and sat diagonal rom my mommy for the rest of the day. She was really busy so I just listened to my music and knitted. One nosy ass lady came over to the cubicle on the other side of me and wanted to know if Linda (the lady's desk that I was sitting at) had been replaced. I laughed to myself because she thought I couldn't hear her. The lady she was talking to was like "No. Linda's out for the day. That's Paula's daughter. I'm about to give her some work to do in a minute." ME! WORK! Think again sister. Yeah ... the people my mom works with are crazy. I don't think I would want an office job. It gets really eerily quiet a lot. scary quiet if you ask me. After work (haha) me and my mom took off for her Primerica meeting in Arcadia. We got there early because she got to be in the Carpool lane with me in the car. So we stopped at this cyber cafe and then she took me to In-N-Out so I could eat a little dinner. I've been to her Thursday night meetings before and contemplated sitting in the car but I went on in so my mom wouldn't be wanking at me when she got back. I was pretty tired when I got home and knocked out at 1030 or so. It was great how I didn't watch TV or my computer screen all day.
I'm working on Confessions of a Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella. It's funny but I've barely put a dent in it due to the SOS (Spacing Out Syndrome) I seem to have acquired over the course of this summer.
PEACE!
I wish life was like my blog and I could delete the things that happen when I want to forget about them. Wouldn't that be cool? Anyway ... just a random thought. I'm feeling a little restless today (even though I took a 2-hour nap.) My mind is racing and I don't have any desire to stare at the idiot box all day ... It's really sad I kept flipping to the same channels hoping that something would be on 2 seconds after I just looked at that channel. The general anxiety is getting to me and causing me to wake up really early in the morning (like before sunrise) and turn off the TV so that my mind can wander and ponder life. I hope there are no TVs in my apartment in London. I hate the idiot box because I just can't stand the mind-numbing feeling like I should be doing something but I ... can't ... move ... my finger ... from ... the ... remote.
Yesterday I went to Irvine with Tawny. She had to take care of some business at UCI. Then we stopped at Westminster Mall and I kind of got us lost but we made it. OOPS! I bought some jeans at AE and a skirt at this cute little store called portrait ... For a grand total of 30 bucks! YEA!!!! GO LAUREN!!! Tawny got me these speakers I wanted from Radio Shack as a birthday gift and then we had to stop for Bite Size cookies before we left ... Mmmm! Lovin' That! Then we I got back home, my mom was there and I told her that she should take me with her to work so she was like "OK" (This is against company policy) so I changed into clothes that were a little more profesional than cropped pants and an "I heart Bazooka" T-Shirt, grabbed my knitting and sat diagonal rom my mommy for the rest of the day. She was really busy so I just listened to my music and knitted. One nosy ass lady came over to the cubicle on the other side of me and wanted to know if Linda (the lady's desk that I was sitting at) had been replaced. I laughed to myself because she thought I couldn't hear her. The lady she was talking to was like "No. Linda's out for the day. That's Paula's daughter. I'm about to give her some work to do in a minute." ME! WORK! Think again sister. Yeah ... the people my mom works with are crazy. I don't think I would want an office job. It gets really eerily quiet a lot. scary quiet if you ask me. After work (haha) me and my mom took off for her Primerica meeting in Arcadia. We got there early because she got to be in the Carpool lane with me in the car. So we stopped at this cyber cafe and then she took me to In-N-Out so I could eat a little dinner. I've been to her Thursday night meetings before and contemplated sitting in the car but I went on in so my mom wouldn't be wanking at me when she got back. I was pretty tired when I got home and knocked out at 1030 or so. It was great how I didn't watch TV or my computer screen all day.
I'm working on Confessions of a Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella. It's funny but I've barely put a dent in it due to the SOS (Spacing Out Syndrome) I seem to have acquired over the course of this summer.
PEACE!
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
What is it?
En Vogue asked a crucial question at the end of their album "Funky Divas". Love ... What is it? This is some real talk right here from last night with my dear friend Daisy. I think I've got it all figured out now.
Daisy (10:00:16 PM): I get upset with myself when I don't believe in love
Daisy (10:00:20 PM): and all that stuff
Me (10:01:09 PM): don't be upset ... we all go thru that
Me (10:01:22 PM): i did!
Me (10:01:50 PM): remember in the middle of the semester ... i talked to u about how i'd be content with being alone
Me (10:02:02 PM): i don't give a rats ass most of the time
Daisy (10:02:03 PM): yeah
Daisy (10:02:06 PM): and I am too
Daisy (10:02:16 PM): but I sometimes wonder if that is wrong of me
Me (10:02:22 PM): no!
Daisy (10:02:36 PM): because I feel this discontent with love
Daisy (10:02:44 PM): as if it were only an illusion
Daisy (10:02:47 PM): or something
Daisy (10:02:50 PM): but not a reality
Me (10:02:55 PM): mmmhmmm ... i know what u talking about
Me (10:03:37 PM): like getting married and all of a sudden waking up next to somebody after like 20 years and saying i don't know u anymore
Me (10:03:50 PM): those are the kind of stories that discourage me
Me (10:04:03 PM): i think we call love what it really isn't
Daisy (10:04:17 PM): but we will never know anyone because we are always changing
Daisy (10:04:25 PM): i see
Me (10:04:35 PM): EXACTLY! ... u know who is never changing ...
Me (10:04:38 PM): GOD!
Me (10:04:51 PM): u know who is the ultimate testament of love ... GOD!
Me (10:05:12 PM): we're aspiring to something that is unattainable until death
Me (10:05:28 PM): ... as far as romantic love goes anyway
Me (10:06:31 PM): and I feel as though (right now) I am too self involved to say that I love any man
Me (10:07:42 PM): ... once I "die" to myself and what I desire out of life and desire to share my wants and needs with somebody else then I can say that I love that person
Me (10:08:04 PM): but that ain't happening for a really long time
Me (10:08:41 PM): so have fun I say! ... break some hearts ... getting your heart broken ain't worth it ... we're too selfish for that shit
Me (10:08:54 PM): have i said too much? ... u know i'm a talker
Daisy (10:09:40 PM): no
Daisy (10:09:49 PM): me like your words of wisdom
Me (10:11:07 PM): ...but u feel what i'm saying
Daisy (10:11:13 PM): I do
Me (10:11:29 PM): it's not being negative ... it's just being real
Daisy (10:00:16 PM): I get upset with myself when I don't believe in love
Daisy (10:00:20 PM): and all that stuff
Me (10:01:09 PM): don't be upset ... we all go thru that
Me (10:01:22 PM): i did!
Me (10:01:50 PM): remember in the middle of the semester ... i talked to u about how i'd be content with being alone
Me (10:02:02 PM): i don't give a rats ass most of the time
Daisy (10:02:03 PM): yeah
Daisy (10:02:06 PM): and I am too
Daisy (10:02:16 PM): but I sometimes wonder if that is wrong of me
Me (10:02:22 PM): no!
Daisy (10:02:36 PM): because I feel this discontent with love
Daisy (10:02:44 PM): as if it were only an illusion
Daisy (10:02:47 PM): or something
Daisy (10:02:50 PM): but not a reality
Me (10:02:55 PM): mmmhmmm ... i know what u talking about
Me (10:03:37 PM): like getting married and all of a sudden waking up next to somebody after like 20 years and saying i don't know u anymore
Me (10:03:50 PM): those are the kind of stories that discourage me
Me (10:04:03 PM): i think we call love what it really isn't
Daisy (10:04:17 PM): but we will never know anyone because we are always changing
Daisy (10:04:25 PM): i see
Me (10:04:35 PM): EXACTLY! ... u know who is never changing ...
Me (10:04:38 PM): GOD!
Me (10:04:51 PM): u know who is the ultimate testament of love ... GOD!
Me (10:05:12 PM): we're aspiring to something that is unattainable until death
Me (10:05:28 PM): ... as far as romantic love goes anyway
Me (10:06:31 PM): and I feel as though (right now) I am too self involved to say that I love any man
Me (10:07:42 PM): ... once I "die" to myself and what I desire out of life and desire to share my wants and needs with somebody else then I can say that I love that person
Me (10:08:04 PM): but that ain't happening for a really long time
Me (10:08:41 PM): so have fun I say! ... break some hearts ... getting your heart broken ain't worth it ... we're too selfish for that shit
Me (10:08:54 PM): have i said too much? ... u know i'm a talker
Daisy (10:09:40 PM): no
Daisy (10:09:49 PM): me like your words of wisdom
Me (10:11:07 PM): ...but u feel what i'm saying
Daisy (10:11:13 PM): I do
Me (10:11:29 PM): it's not being negative ... it's just being real
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
Probably more excited than I should be
But I bought my luggage today! ... Huge ass bags that would fit me in there in the fetal position. I guess I'm all kinds of official now ... I'm going to London ... la la la la la la la!!!! Peace out USA! You ain't doin shit for me anyway! ... (but I will miss all of my buds just as much if not more than they will miss me)
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