i feel so small

all of a sudden there is this air between me and some of my friends. it's so obvious that i don't fit in anymore. people they've known for so much less time than they've known me have become their best friends. but wait a minute while i agonize some more. i know i'm blessed i just can't even think about how i've been replaced by a boyfriend or a greek life. is this selfish of me? maybe i need to make some new friends or get a boyfriend but i don't want to do what my "friends" are doing to me. this is normal i suppose but i am interested in the logic behind ignoring, avoiding, forgetting me. god i suck so much. i need to get over this shit and move on. i need to pray. i need to stop being so needy. the world doesn't revolve around me and friendships will come and go. i have to accept that. but i still want to cry for friendships lost and feelings ignored. it hurts to not be considered desirable anymore.

Well if this whole college thing doesn't work out

I am worth $2,067,738.00 on HumanForSale.com and could always sell myself on EBay.

Adjusting

I've haven't had such a hard time adjusting to a situation since freshmen year of high school. They should really have a bridge program for when you come back to the states from studying abroad. My schedule continues to fill up slowly. I don't even know what I'm doing this semester or how things are going to turn out. I'm taking 17 units. Trying to revive gospel choir. Applying for a summer internship. Applying to be an RA. Working at two desks. Working with a committee on the Lane Center for Catholic Teaching and Social Thought. Dream Team. Retreats. Liturgical ministry. Clearly I won't have time for a show this semester. That might drive me absolutely crazy. Or it might make me completely sane. I just feel unfocused. And on top of all this I am crushing hard-core on this boy who makes me "cream my knickers" HAHAHA! He's beautiful. And smart. And goal-oriented. I just feel like he's not that into me. But maybe he is. Who knows? Whoever can read the opposite sex please contact me immediately.